How to make it from click to golden wedding

TT

Published 10.34

          

         

 

         

 

         

 

         A rare expression of affection between the royal couple, captured in a photo in connection with the             Queen's 80th birthday.

        1 / 4Photo: Sara Friberg/Kungl. Hovstaterna

More than half a century has passed since the famous "click" in Munich in 1972. This year, the royal couple - together with 32,900 other people who also got married in 1976 - are celebrating their golden wedding.

Despite Sweden ranking high in divorce statistics in Europe, figures from Statistics Sweden show that long marriages are an upward trend. Increased life expectancy and improved public health have meant that more people are getting old enough to celebrate their golden wedding before either of them falls apart.

So how do you make your relationship continue to "click" over the years?

The King and Queen do not share much marital advice in the interviews given by the couple before the celebration. The King is content to state that “we have a good time and work well together” – but also adds understanding, openness and trust in each other as important keys to the relationship.

Love hard work

And the three building blocks also appear to have support in research. Emma Engdahl is a professor of sociology at the University of Gothenburg and has written several books about love and how to keep it alive at different stages of life.

– One of the most important insights is not to believe that love takes care of itself. A long-term love relationship actually involves hard work. Love needs attention. Not all the time and it does not have to be grand, but recurring, she says.

The couples who are now celebrating their golden wedding anniversary met in the 1970s, but it is a mistake to believe that the person you fell in love with will be the same for your whole life.

– We humans change and you need to be curious about who the other person has become and feel joy in the fact that it adds new perspectives. It can create tension in the relationship, says Emma Engdahl.

Freedom from responsibility

The threshold for royal divorces is high, but Emma Engdahl believes that there is a risk that we generally give up on relationships too easily.

– The royal couple have been together for 50 years and that is a very long time. In this way, they can function as a symbolic role model in the sense that they represent longevity, shared responsibility and continuity. It is valuable in a time where we more often talk about breakups than about perseverance.

– Today, it is not shameful to get divorced and that is good, but it is like a freedom from responsibility. Unfortunately, love has been commercialized in such a way that we see potential partners as goods on a market and think that maybe someone is a little better and a little more exciting than the one I am living with right now. But there are no long-term relationships that are not boring, difficult and a bit tiring at times, she says.

Supportive partner

Reminding yourself of the promises that were once made can give the relationship stability, and staying and fighting even when it is difficult can deepen the love in the long run. In TV4's program "The Royal Couple - 50 years together", this is precisely what Prince Carl Philip highlights as one of the strengths of the parents' relationship.

- Despite some difficult times, they have chosen to be that supportive partner by their side. I have seen that in several different contexts, it is very nice, he says.

- A good relationship role model is not a couple who never has problems, but a couple who show respect, can bear differences and do not humiliate each other in public, says Emma Engdahl.
 

FACTS

The expert's five keys to a long relationship

Recognition. To feel seen as a person and not just as a function, the one who fixes things, the one who earns money or takes responsibility.

Kindness. Is absolutely fundamental. Tone of voice, looks, small gestures, touching each other. Respect in everyday life.

Justice. Long-term injustice in terms of housework, finances, freedom and responsibility often creates bitterness.

Repairability. All couples hurt each other sometimes and then it is absolutely crucial to say sorry, “I understand you”, “I want to try again”.

Curiosity. That you don’t think you know who the other person is. That you continue to ask, listen, play, laugh and do new things together.